That Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the TV Letdowns of the Year.
As we reflect on the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with woeful writing, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner declared this would be the final series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Still, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful parade of tropes? Performances so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.
The Iris Affair
Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
With Love, Meghan
Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like reading a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.
Too Much
How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for sexual escapades as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.
